A year ago, I found myself in front of a kind, sympathetic man, telling him something I never thought I'd find myself discussing; that matters in the bedroom had taken a distressingly downward turn.

Then aged 67, the medication I'd started taking for high cholesterol and diabetes two years earlier had left me frequently unable to perform - and it was having a devastating impact on my emotional well-being.

I can happily talk to Elizabeth, my wife of 25 years, about most things. But this was one area I just couldn't bring myself to discuss with her.

Which is how I found myself in the office of a sex therapist.

Elizabeth would have been mortified at the thought of me telling a stranger about our intimacy issues. But after two distressing years of struggling to maintain an erection, I needed some professional reassurance.

However, I wasn't just doing this for me; sex has always been an important part of our relationship, particularly to Elizabeth. I didn't want to let her down, or drive a wedge between us. I knew she equated my struggles with a lack of desire for her - which couldn't be further from the case.

After going through my medical history, the therapist agreed my medication - including statins - was probably to blame. I left his office with a prescription for Viagra. In all honesty I couldn't wait to get my hands on it.

Just as I didn't tell Elizabeth about visiting the therapist, I didn't tell her when I started taking Viagra.




Hundreds of men commented online that they had found themselves in a similar situation, unable to get an erection

I genuinely didn't think I was doing anything wrong. I'm sure many women talk to medical professionals - or indeed their friends - about their sex life without discussing it with their husband beforehand. And many probably don't tell their husbands if they're taking HRT.

But, suffice it to say, that decision backfired.

As she revealed in Secrets & Lives last week, when Elizabeth discovered I'd secretly been taking Viagra for months, she was devastated. Despite my best efforts, she wrongly believed my need for pharmaceutical support was proof I was no longer attracted to her, leaving her hurt and humiliated.

I can see now I was wrong not to tell her - and naive in assuming she wouldn't find out.

But I was heartened to see the hundreds of men commenting online that they had found themselves in my situation - and confirming there is a very real difference between not 'wanting' to have sex with someone and not being physically able to.

Unfortunately, it's not something we talk about. But I hope, by sharing my  side of things, I can stop other men from feeling how I did: that I was a failure.

As a young man I'd always prided myself on my performance. When I met my first wife aged 25, I was confident I knew how to sexually satisfy a woman. Neither of us wanted children, so we just focused on having fun. I assumed she was as happy as I was.

Yet as my civil service career progressed and my working hours increased, things in the bedroom did taper off, particularly by our late 30s.



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